Love is one of the most altering, significant forces on Earth (and beyond, I hope). It can take you to further heights or plummets than most any other emotion, and most everything else you feel links into the feeling of love and none of them can shake it. Love leaves me trembling with fear and tears, but also with the greatest leap and surge of beauty my heart has ever experienced–and yes, I mean my heart. I physically feel something in my heart because it has touched me. And I mean this in the sense of familial, romantic, and friendly love, and love beyond all those categories.
Let me be clear that I do not know everything about love or even interactions with people; I am often struck with an intense social anxiety that culminates in some of the nastiest, scariest feelings I have ever encountered. I’m trying to learn and observe, and slowly I am making my way forward in not fearing connection with others, in seeking out those deep emotions that strike to the core, those of love and understanding.
I have been the love of my life for almost a year, but we are still growing together. As we each near 20 years old, we realize that we’re slowly taking comfort in our futures together, but still we get boggled down with anxieties and worries. The beautiful thing is that I can map out how our love has grown from last year until now. It has begun to bloom, and it isn’t even at its full bloom yet. Often times, I find myself in tears (and him as well, though he wouldn’t want to admit it) about how much I love him and how I want to care for him and serve him–not exclusively as in sex or buying him things–as in giving him what he wants that I can provide, as you and everyone can as well: love. And vice versa.
The love he gives to me is the greatest gift I have ever and will ever receive in my life. It fuels me entirely, giving me strength to pursue what I want to pursue–writing, theatre, promoting human rights–without any judgment or negative comments, and I do the same for him. We work together, as a unit, but we allow each other’s individuality to flow in whatever direction it takes. It’s more than respect or understanding, I’d say. It feels as though it’s buried much, much deeper than those things. It feels like a recognition of the other soul.
So, if souls are real, and we all have them, then when does that soul get transferred into energy? Is it always energy, but we harness it within ourselves and release it in death? And where does that energy go, if our universe is slowly heading to complete darkness? Some questions my love and I have been asking ourselves, bouncing ideas off of one another. This also ties into my commissioned novel my friend Phil (I say friend but he is also my mentor to me) is having me write. Every human being is born with a certain energy signature, and you carry that the rest of your life without usually ever realizing it. It is shaped and forged as a product of your environment and relations to others; it reveals insights into how you best learn and understand. That being said, when we die can there really be nothing? That’s the big question of humanity, I know. If we have all this energy that fuels all that we are, then spiritually is it valid to say that our energies, no matter how different they are, come back together in the end? We are reunited with those we connected with best in life and also those of the past who we would have connected with had we been born in a different time? Or maybe we are reunited with everyone, and everyone is one great pulsing shape of energy?
Is that love? Is our love in our physical bodies and our semi-conscious minds an attempt to seek out the energy that we are attracted to? The energy we stick by in the end…and did in the beginning…and did in the middle. Even if this theory isn’t at all what it’s like, maybe you’ve found some enjoyment or intrigue in reading this. I’ve definitely enjoyed writing it.
Take a look around with me, find those you love, and recognize their souls. You can get there by staring into their eyes, grasping their hand, and telling them all the intricacies you can think of.